7 Pillars of Family Life

The current times have brought about many challenges and changes to family life. Whether you always dreamed of more family time or not, we all have been subjected to more than what we have been accustomed to. Take my family for example, although we were already a home educating family, our children participated in a homeschool enrichment program, sports, and art classes outside of the home. Now, even those few moments of separation have been minimized.

Many families are distraught about the amount of time being spent together as a family, due to concerns about the lack of socialization. But what we don’t realize is that prior to the pandemic, the average American family spent less than 37 minutes of quality time together per day. Interestingly enough, not many parents were concerned about the lack of quality time, and yet eventually the pendulum will swing back in the other direction. Socializing with others outside of the home will become the focus, and primary source of relational health. So now is the time to ensure that your family, at its fundamental core, is bound by these 7 pillars of family life.

Regardless of how unique your family system is, or the circumstances you face, these are a few great things that your family can hold onto during unprecedented times and beyond.

1. Teachable Moments: These are moments to learn and grow as a family. You don’t have to wait for something specific to arise, in order to have a teachable moment. Although teachable moments most often occur when you least expect them, with increased interactions and sometimes some planning, teachable moments can be created as well.

2. Chores & Responsibilities: Having a role in the daily operations of the family provides many benefits to children. Children who do chores may exhibit higher self-esteem, be more responsible, and be better equipped to deal with adversity. Completing chores helps to produce social skills, which can lead to greater success in school, work, and relationships. In order to increase the likelihood of successful completion of chores, parents must be sure to choose those that are age appropriate.

3. Boundaries: It is very important for children's emotions to be heard and validated, but parents must keep in mind that they are in charge and responsible for creating a secure and stable environment for their kids. More specifically, parents are responsible for setting boundaries, in order to develop an environment where children can be heard, and encouraged to develop patience, self-awareness, and more.

4. Schedule: Schedules or routines help children learn what will or will not happen next. Schedules can be useful for building trust between children and parents. When there is no schedule, it can increase the probability of creating emotional anxiety. Parents should do their best to be consistent, while allowing for flexibility within the day.

5. Family Meetings: Family meetings provide a great opportunity to spend quality time together as a family. These meetings help to improve communication, relationships or performance. Family meetings are also a great way to keep family members who are often in different places throughout the day or week, connected and communicating with each other.

6. Love: In a family, love is key to experiencing things like respect, loyalty, and healthy attachment. Love is extremely important when it comes to supporting a child’s emotional well-being. Love is also what helps to keep the family together. Children that have strong family bonds of love and acceptance, are often more successful.

7. Fun: Having fun together as a family helps to bring everyone closer together and strengthen the parent-child bond. Family fun is an important part of building a strong family identity. Parent’s must get intentional with creating opportunities to enjoy each other, while taking every opportunity possible to laugh together.

Society may change, and the pendulum will swing, but a family that takes time to build a firm foundation on these pillars will be able to withstand the changes. Although our family is spending more time together, we are doing our best to take this time to see the needs of our family, and build family synergy. Although families are unique, we all have the same rights and basic needs. It is the responsibility of parents to take note of those needs, and to make sure that their families' needs are being fulfilled. 

How to Process All That You Prepared For

Each year, we are met with the decision, to homeschool or not to homeschool. We carefully consider our family vision, goals for the year, our children’s academic progress, and their social emotional needs. As they get older, the decision seems to become increasingly difficult. And while this year we considered enrolling our children in public school, we examined our possible options, advantages, and disadvantages, prior to coming up with our best solution.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve spoken with countless parents who have taken time to create a well thought out plan and make an informed decision regarding their children’s return to school and more. They’ve gathered as much information as possible, identified their priorities, and established a plan. Now they are being met by fear, anxiety, guilt, and uncertainty, wondering if their plan is sure proof. 

If you are not feeling confident about your plan, It’s okay! It is still possible to feel good about the process you used to make your decisions. Below are some strategies to help you accept those difficult thoughts and feelings that arise after taking actions that are in line with your values.

• Focus on what you can control and are certain of 

• Acknowledge your feelings, and allow yourself to feel how you feel. Just don't get stuck there 

• Stop chasing certainty and be compassionate with yourself

• Set realistic expectations for yourself

• Develop positive self-talk

• Don’t make yourself any promises or guarantees

• Remain flexible 

There is always more than one right answer to every problem (unless it’s a math problem). Spend some time focusing on your decision making process and accept that at any given moment, you will feel conflicted about the plan you’ve made or the options that have been presented to you. In times of uncertainty and instability, we serve as anchors for our children. It is in our confidence, that children become centered and far less anxious about what the future will bring. 

Spend some time connecting with your children by practicing and teaching them the same strategies above. Keep in mind, children take their cues from parents when it comes to knowing how to react to certain situations and circumstances. Manage your fears, in order to help your children do the same. When processing, put your energy into what’s working and what’s meaningful to you. 

Although there were plenty of advantages and disadvantages for each of the options before us, our best solution was to continue homeschooling our children. While this may have been a great way to slowly transition our children to public school, we opted out. I often wonder if we are missing out on an excellent opportunity for a gradual introduction into the educational system. But for now, we surrender to what we know to be best, accepting our plan for what it is, and preparing to pivot when necessary. 

Let’s teach our children how to embrace our plans with confidence, teamwork, and resilience. We can do it!

Returning to School During COVID- 19: Do You Have a Plan

For many, parenting in 2020 has felt somewhat like an ongoing natural disaster. The pandemic has continued to unfold right before our eyes, and yet no one knows how to mitigate the overwhelming sense of confusion in our nation. Returning to school safely in the current climate is a major concern for everyone. So, what is a parent to do? Children across the country are eagerly expecting to return to school in the coming weeks, and yet no real plan has been established for how to do so safely.

Regardless of school opening plans made by local leaders, there are preventative measures we can take as parents to reduce the severity of the pandemic’s effects. Taking the following steps will help you create your Pandemic Preparedness Plan to help reduce stress, fear, and anxiety. You can use this plan to help prepare your kids (and yourself) for an unusual back-to-school season, filled with novel transitions and uncomfortable change. 

Pandemic Preparedness Plan

Step 1: Gather Information

Now is a great time to do a check-in. Whether you do it collectively as a family, or you check in with each family member independently, see how everyone is doing and consider their concerns. Discuss any hopes and fears your child may have and what you can do to support them.  Don’t forget to prioritize checking-in with yourself.

You will also want to gather information from your local school district. Determine where they are in the planning stages, the direction they are headed in, and assess for any safety concerns. Will the children be made to wear masks during school?  If yes, will you be responsible for providing masks?  What about hand sanitizer and other cleaning supplies?  Obtaining these items early may help to reduce stress for you and your child in the fall. If you have friends or family members who can possibly help out during  this coming school year, be sure to gather this information as well. This step is crucial to creating a functional plan. 

Step 2: Establish Priorities

Consider the specific needs in your household, and identify what needs to take priority this school year. Take into consideration the overall well-being of your family, expected levels of performance, and capabilities. Use this information to then determine roles and responsibilities. Always prioritize your family’s health and safety, and identify any barriers to doing so. 

Step 3: Practice Your Plan

Creating a plan is half of the battle. Practicing and keeping up with your plan will present its own unique challenges. Once you have come up with a plan that takes into consideration the family as a whole, you will want to share the plan with your family. Make any adjustments necessary, and discuss the need to keep the plan up-to-date. 

 As a family, be prepared to pivot as necessary. Pivoting is a skill we are often forced to learn. But remember, children will need additional support with adjusting and adapting to our current reality. Assure your child that no matter what happens, you will help them navigate the transitions. Take some time to teach your children their roles within the plan, and practice. You will also want to plan how you can work with others during difficult moments.

As mentioned in step one, make sure you increase your check-ins, and communicate frequently. Ask open-ended questions, and create a safe space for respectful honesty. Increased communication will lend way for increased connection and closeness. Take this time to grow closer as a family. 

These steps are by no means exhaustive, but they include a few important considerations for preparing to go back to school. When any unexpected crisis strikes, the situation has the potential to create chaos and confusion. Developing a plan that works for you and your family is crucial for resiliency and sustainability. It helps to provide the stability and consistency families need in order to thrive. 

Similar to being prepared for a disaster, creating your pandemic preparedness plan can help lessen the impact of the current climate on your family. We can’t always predict the climate, but we can plan and prepare for changes. Moving forward with a plan is always better than proceeding cautiously without one. Remember, natural disasters don’t last forever, and neither will the pandemic.